WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
