Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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