What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
