mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
