mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am puke
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
