Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
