Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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