okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
COCAINE IS GR8
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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