toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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