if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
