i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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