I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize