We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
