Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
