do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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