I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
