I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
