you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
