just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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