think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
