I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
