I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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