Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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