in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
