I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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