Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
