You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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