Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
