how can u be prego again
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
