I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
