Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
