Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
