That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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