I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
