I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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