We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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