So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
