I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
