Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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