He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
