Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
