Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
