porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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