No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
