Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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