These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
