You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
