He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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