my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
