she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
