Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
