I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize