One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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