i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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