As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
