Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
