the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
