Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
