You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
