Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
