Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
