from now on my penis is your penis
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
