you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Less talking, more tequila
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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