I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
