Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
