she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
