can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize